i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
