after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
