TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
