I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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