Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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