just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
