i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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