Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
