I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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