I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
