It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
