I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
