I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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