I can tuck mytits in my pants
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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