hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
