Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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