I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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