hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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