I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
