drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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