Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
