i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
