the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
