The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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