Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
