It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
