Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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