Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
