There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
