she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
