i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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