I don't think brook has ever known best
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
