I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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