Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
