there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
