I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
