The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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