did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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