Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
