That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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