Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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