you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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