why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We have started to decorate penises.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
