Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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