Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
