Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
