my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish you could order shots online.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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