My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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