well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
