ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
