Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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