i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
