I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
