id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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