Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
