I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
